...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
