Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
