We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I love having hate sex.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
