And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Go christen that room with your naked body.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
