I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
