remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
