her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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