don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
