I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
