She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
