I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
