i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
