hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
