you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
