I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
