PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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