My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
