Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
