what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
