found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
