Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
