cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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