goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
