so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
