My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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