can we get nightvision for the apartment?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
