Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
