I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize