Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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