its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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