At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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