my sisters under your porch take her home
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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