I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am naked and annoyed.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
