Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
