At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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