I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
