he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
