Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize