Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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