Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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