Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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