i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize