Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize