so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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