Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
