I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
