Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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