OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
