It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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