How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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