I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize