Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
