i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
