My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its about making memories worth repressing
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
