so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
