I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
