its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
