Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
