You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
