you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
