when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
