you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
