AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize