Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dicks are not precious.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
