Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can Purell be used as lube?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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