I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
