Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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