i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
