I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
