I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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