i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
