Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
